I am taking some time this afternoon to do some Bible study and spend time with Jesus, because once again, I didn’t wake up early enough to do it at the start of my day. But it’s all good; I know the Lord will take time to be with me whenever I’m able. He doesn’t care if it’s morning, noon, or night. He just wants me to spend time with him!
I wanted to share some thoughts I had just now. They were “ah-ha” moments, as Oprah likes to call them. Last night, I started writing down verses from each book of the Bible in order that we can use with our family as memory verses. I got to Deuteronomy and was scanning verses I had previously underlined or starred that would work for our family and that the kids would understand. I don’t have much underlined in this book to be honest. I haven’t read much of it because it’s heavy and long! This afternoon, I came across a passage that I’ve never read before and had that “ah-ha” moment I was talking about.
Do you ever read a blog post or Facebook status and think, “How does she/he understand that so well? Did he/she read my private journal? That is exactly what I was thinking or feeling!” I felt that when I read Deuteronomy Chapter 28, verses 58-68. This short passage describes perfectly where I used to be and how I used to feel!! And based on a lot of Facebook statuses and tweets I read and conversations with people I have, this is still a lot of you! Indulge me…
This Chapter is called “Blessings and Curses for Disobedience”. Stay with me!! When it gets to verse 58, towards the end of the chapter, it talks about what will befall us if we don’t carefully follow God’s Ten Commandments and if we “do not revere the glorious and awesome name–the Lord your God–…”. Here is where it gets into where I used to be and where a lot of people unfortunately are still stuck in my opinion. Verse 64 talks about being “scattered” (Biblical scholars would get into talking about the Diaspora here, but I’m taking it a different route, where God got me thinking…) When I’m scattered, I “will find no repose, no resting place for the sole of my foot.” (verse 65). This is where I am flabbergasted: Verse 65 goes on to say, “The Lord your God will give you an anxious heart, eyes weary with longing, and a despairing heart. (66) You will live in constant suspense, filled with dread for both night and day, never sure of your life. (65) In the morning, you will say, ‘If only it were evening!’ and in the evening, ‘If only it were morning!’.
Who can relate?!? This passage describes (to me):
- a feeling of drifting in life
- not really having a goal or knowing what will give you happiness
- dreading waking up because you have no passions in life
People are uncomfortable with the thought of God purposely causing pain. But I can tell you first-hand that God does EVERYTHING for the good of those that love him. The things I’ve been through were part of God’s plan and it all brought me closer to him! I’m learning to trust him completely! Everything in my life, good AND bad, can bring me closer to God and closer to the person God made me to be.
My prayer is that everyone I know would release their anxiety, depression, drifting feelings, feelings of loss, confusion, etc. up to God!! He doesn’t WANT you to hurt or feel pain, but the pain and hurt you WILL feel because that is part of the human experience, can draw you closer to him. Don’t live any longer with “an anxious heart”, “eyes weary with longing”, “a despairing heart”, in “constant suspense”, wishing that you were anywhere rather than where you were.